Indulgences

Posted by snobbog on

Dee and (somewhat look-a-like) brother Tommy Jr. do subtle battle over their inheritance and the possibility of fracking land they inherited. Tommy Jr. is married to Chiffon, who is a stick.

Chifon

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Dee

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Tommy Jr.

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The Indulgences Scenario, Script

Setting: Any packaged food aisle.

Scene 1:

Dee is using her walker with a basket on the front to navigate the aisle. She has a basket attached to her walker that is filled with junk food. Her dialogue is directed at the viewer.

Dee:
(Sighs), From the neck down I look like a crumpled piece of paper and I am missing the two things that men find the most interesting.

I inherited my father’s body.

My brother, Tommy Jr., got 2/3rds of his estate and I got 1/3rd.

But I got his saggy flesh to squeeze into something fashion forward.

I‘ve been planning exactly what to say when I die and see him again.

Scene 2:

Dee’s Brother Tommy Jr, their bodies look alike except Tommy JR has a crooked eye with bigger bags under them and a goatee. They are pushing a basket filled with canned goods and bottles of water.

Tommy Jr is with his wife Chiffon.

Chiffon:
We used to go out to eat and then go dancing, now we just go out to eat.

Tommy Jr:
Chiffon, I took you to France, what more do you want?

Chiffon:
Everything there was served with a side of cigarette smoke.

Tommy Jr:
Well, we aren’t going anywhere that doesn’t speak a language I didn’t learned in High School.

Besides, I’m too busy putting post-it notes on white boards, planning that bomb shelter with our inheritance.

Chiffon:
And I got married because I have a high tolerance for disappointment.

Tommy Jr:
You can say that again.

Chiffon:
How is it that me were able to gain power and continue to run the world when all they think about is sex?

Tommy Jr:
Because we don’t think about babies.

Scene 3:

Dee meets Tommy Jr, and Chiffon. Dee has junk food in her basket; Tommy Jr has a basket piled with bottles of wine and party food.

Tommy Jr:
Dee, honey, we were just buying some wine. You should come over for a little cup of it.

Dee:
Tommy Jr, a cup with a chipped lip is a micro aggression

Tommy Jr:
Didn’t some philosopher talk about the narcissism of small differences?

Dee:
Philosophy? Where did you get that, a Ted Talk?

Tommy Jr:
Dee, that look is an advertisement for war.

No one ever slipped and fell on a sidewalk covered in sunshine.

I was thinking, if we fracked the farm it would be like pumping dead presidents directly into our checking accounts… 1/3 for you 2/3 for me… all you would have to do is sign off on it.

Dee:
But I am an eco artist.

Although my primarily interest is in things between the legs.

Chiffon:
That danger zone! Now all I think about when my daughter brings a boy home is that he might make the decision to pull the plug on my life support in the distant future.

Scene 4:

Puppies that are also putti arrive before Dee as she walks down the aisle and continue to hang around as she talks to the viewer.

Dee:
It is so difficult being a revolutionary.

It is my sense of style that is the real revolution.

It is impossible to run a revolution like this without comfort, profit and potential fame of course.

I am building my brand by giving back to the community to help the under privileged by going to fabulous benefits, dressing well and eating food in petite courses.

Scene 5:

Dee is speeding down the aisle of the grocery store in a convertible sports car. As the car passes it slows. The back seat is filled with groceries.

Dee:
This is my kind of wheel chair! (laughs)

Dee continues laughing as the car speeds off down the aisle and disappears in a cloud of dust.

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